a dose of life.

will I ever be good enough?
will I ever, live up to expectations?
will I find someone who will take me as I am?

I tried & yet I fall.
fall down 7 times, stand up 8.

but I keep on falling.
and failing.
further & further.
distancing from people.
or have others been keeping me at a distant?

I need to get up and face things.
I need to be brave to battle my own fears.
my own insecurities.
battling with myself.

I will never be good enough.
that's what I believe.
as a motivation to do much better.
100%? more than that.

pushing limits.
pushing boundaries.
pushing mental & physical limits.

I am tired.
Tired of life itself.
Ain't it sad, we are all young & yet we feel life has no meaning to us?

We are very, young.

That's why.
We have to stand up straight, stand up tall.

I am a failure.
I believe I am a failure.
with this belief, I shouldn't be down.
It should be a motivation.

Things get in my way.
People lose faith in me.
All I have is myself.

I will try. I will not give up.
No matter how painful & lonesome it is.
I need to survive.

I don't want to exist ; I want to live.

ps://  I haven't been posting bahaha. forgive me. I'll be back & there will be a spamming galore soon enough. :) good day loves. x

surprise haircut!

Since tomorrow is my sister's big day. Wouldn't hurt to make yourself pretty right? I'll blog about my sister's nikah ceremony tomorrow, with the reception too. If I'm not dead tired. :) Anyways! Me & my sister went to Times Square to collect her ATM card but then I was all "I want a haircut" so we roamed around & saw Cutting Crew. Asked the price and heck, cut hair go go!

snap snap before the scissors go snip snip!

So I was talking to the hairstylist, is name's Adam, and you know, friendly chat & whats not. We spoke in conversational Mandarin and English. Along the way, he began adding in Hokkien too and I was lost in translation. I need to brush up my linguistic skills. :( But hey, practice makes perfect! So as he was cutting my hair and Lin You Jia's songs were playing. And to me...it was BLISS. Lin You Jia fangirl detected!

After a good 15-30 minutes (I am bad with timing okay) I was done! It cost me BND22 and I was happy with the results! 

Meet the hairstylist who attended me, Adam Lo.

Where is Cutting Crew?

Times Square branch

Unit F10, First Floor,

Times Square Shopping Centre,

Brunei Darussalam.

Gadong branch

1st Floor, Unit 5, Block B,

Abdul Razak Complex.

Brunei Darussalam.

short post cause I promised to blog today. 

Good day people! 

pre-wedding bells.

a picture says a thousand words.

what about a compilation of four?

my feelings are bottled up.

are you recording this?

No I am not getting married. Although I was asked that numerous times today. I just got dumped and now I'm getting married? say what? haha but hey, at least I'm getting over it right? 

My sister's the one's getting married...oh my goodness, tomorrow! she's going to be a married woman tomorrow. wow. Just, wow. Time flies doesn't it. Felt like yesterday she and I would play pretend back at our old house. Ahh, memories. I shall update & take pictures tomorrow too. For now, since I have neglected my blog for awhile, wouldn't hurt to write a bit no? 

I have been busy with exams. (Don't let me even get started with me skipping some midterms due to this wedding. Not gonna think about it at all!)

sushi once awhile is nice too. The temptation to splurge is just too great though! In total mine was around RM27+? That was at Sushi King, 1Borneo. Nearest (& by far the cheapest) sushi parlor that's near to the vicinity of UMS. Excapade and Kaizen Sushi will always be in my heart though. :) But I am content. Looking at that picture makes me hungry again. :(

My friend pointed out this bag of mine that I brought from Brunei and said "you know, the guys you dated and had crushes had one thing in similar : glasses. Do you have a thing for guys in glasses? A glasses fetish maybe?" okay first thing first, what the hell is a glasses fetish?! But what she said did hit me though. They all wore glasses. Hell even Siwon whom I adore since back in 2005 wear glasses (or, seen with a pair.)

even in this unedited/photoshopped/not-editorial photo he looks as dashing as ever. 

How can one be this perfect?!

Coffee is good for you! I didn't go for the complimentary drinks from Starbucks in conjunction with Deepavali. :( but hey, I got two free drinks the other day cause me & them FunZ answered this online survey, you know the customer service survey kinda thing and I got two free drinks! Shared with them FunZ too. They're awesome. & that was on Apple's birthday too! :D I saw him that day too. My feelings were mixed. But decided not to think about him. At all. :) 

One of the classes offered by FunZ crew in UMS is the Bboy class which is conducted every Monday 7-9PM. Fee is RM12 per session and they are classes that you do not want to miss! Don't fret, we have beginners and advanced classes. See you in the beginners class then! :P Shot was during the advanced class. Class thought by Safwan. Further details you can check out the FunZ Crew's facebook page (I linked them the previous blog post before! Scroll down~)

Before leaving to Brunei, me and my friends had lunch at the Kopitiam Museum at Kingfisher. What caught my eye was the shisha flavors rack...oh shisha? Do you shisha? Honestly, I don't approve of smoking but I need it sometimes. Not cause of stress. Whoah whoah, getting personal here. But hey, I like this shot!

Leaving KK put me in a bad place. I didn't want to go initially. I had to leave so many work & exams behind. I fear I will fall back even more. But then again, family is family. Imagine none of my family want to come for MY wedding (if it happens lol) but I hope something good will come out from this. I hope to catch up asap! & I miss my friends. :(

we fight all the time but you're the best younger brother I have man. :)

& hey, I am home.

raped my cousin's iPhone 5. muahaha.

things will be fine. I know of it.

will you hold my hand out of this mess?

:)

moving on.

was moving on ever easy? 

people say it is. but really,

how can one just forget? 

how can one just wake up & know that the person you think first in the morning..

probably has forgotten you? 

maybe I think too much.

maybe I loved too much.

expectations. lead to hope.

when hope is crushed.

the pain is even more....

intense. 

the kind of pain you can't even describe it well.

you're just in pain. 

nothing is wrong with you.

your heart is fine. physically.

but really,

it's not. 

I dare say, I still miss you.

the old you. 

but I'm trying to move on.

I am proud to say, there is progress. 

baby steps. 

I'll find someone, who will remind me, 

you're not the one who got away. 

:)

under your imaginary spotlight.

This spot, is where I belt out my emotions. 

No one may hear it. No one may see it. No one may feel it.

But the feeling, the impact it gave me. 

Being myself without the fear of being judged.

This is my spot. This is my spotlight.

This is my time to shine.

Hi guys. Second day of school & already feeling tired. My eyes are similar to a panda's dark circles. Cute? I wish. hah. Going on, there are a lot of things to do and I have so so so limited time to do so. I have to go back to Brunei next week for urgent family matters and I need to see my lecturers tomorrow...I have a feeling I will be very, very tired & will be PMS-ing the whole day tomorrow. Oh dear. 

However, I am blogging this post not to rant about how my day will be, rather, I want to share this community I joined recently in my university. 

I introduce to you; FunZ Crew - The UMS Hip Hop Community

First off, I will not say I am a legit dancer but I do enjoy dancing. I have been dancing by myself for years, copying what I see from movies and videos over at Youtube and give me music, I'll try to bust off some moves...at least I tried. I've always wanted to take classes, learn dancing, meet new people..but as much opposed by my parents, this wish of mine have been hindered. So what did I do? I took karate classes for a good 8 years. Moving on! 

So I found FunZ from the Facebook home page and I was like "HOW COME I NEVER HEARD OF THIS BEFORE? I am in my 2nd year already!!" so without hesitation I clicked it and hovered over upcoming classes and events. Boy was I psyched! 

The first class I took was the bboy class conducted by this awesome bboy dude named Safwan. He has an awesome resume on competitions he took and rankings. The class itself was fun and at the same time, painful for my body...for now. I can't do a freeze! But looking at all of us who were taking the class at that time, I liked the feeling, of learning something that you always wanted to do. 

I just joined the community and also the bboy class was my first official class. I have a feeling I will stay for quite sometime! I look forward in learning more. At the same time, hello weightloss *fingers crossed*, stress reliever and not going to think of 'you-know-who'~ no, not Voldemort. 

For more information, do drop by the FunZ Crew's Facebook page. They conduct classes for students of UMS & also to the general public! So KK peeps, what are you waiting for?!

That's all from me today. Busy day tomorrow! Good day/night!

Will it matter if I disappear?

Will I be missed?

Rather than thinking about this,

it's better for me...

to exist for myself.

movie goer.

story of my life. the things that I hold on to but are able to deteriorate me further.

I want to live & not just exist. & I shall do so. with every fibre of my being.

Well, how should I say this...

school reopened today. *insert sad face* 

But nonetheless, it was nice seeing my good friends, catching up & whatsnot. It was nice to be around people who won't give you headache (or even heartache) but probably the classes today gave me a headache. Sort of. Hi guys, have 'fun' back in school! Midterms around the corner, assignments to be handed it and revision revision for the upcoming exams in like what..2 months!? Holy pelloids! 

What is a pelloid?

In geology terminology...

it's basically shit.

as in. shit. 

I kid you not. 

Moving on!

I love movies, when I have the money & people to watch it. & I do enjoy watching it on cinema where the sound system is just LOUD & you actually FEEL the vibrations of the sound. Watching a movie widescreen and especially horror movies, you won't be ashamed of screaming cause you know the lady in front of you is going to scream harder. Please don't take that context weirdly ladies & gentlemen!

I am no professional movie reviewer but I do enjoy movies & I won't spoil the whole thing cause...cause I just won't but I'll just type out memorable incidents of the movies. The last 3 movies I watched before the semester reopened was (in sequence) Paranormal Actitivy 4, Skyfall & Sinister.

I don't even know why I agreed to watch this. I watched this back in Brunei at the Cineplex Mall. If you didn't watch the first 3...I suggest you do. Did I watch the first 3 though? NOPE. Just the first movie. So how did I catch up? By reading our good friend Wikipedia during the trailer premiers. heheh. So how should I simplify this? Let's see..

1. Video recordings. 
2. A weird kid.
3. A weird mom. 
4. Lovely family. Youngest kid's adopted. 
5. Weird mom hospitalized.
6. Lovely family being lovely neighbors take in the weird kid.
7. That's when it all started.
8. Strange occurrences happening & is shown on tape. 
9. Something to do with a witch coven. 
10. Even more strange occurrences.
11. The youngest kid has to be a sacrifice <-> connections with weird mom.
12. Who turned out to be his aunt. Biological aunt. 
13. Aunt goes on a killing spree.
14. Daughter of lovely family tries to save the adopted kid. It's her brother, duh. 
15. Fast track to suddenly every witch zombie-walking towards the daughter. 
16. Yeah I think she died.
17. She obviously did. 

& that was my deduction of the movie. Told you, I am no movie reviewer but this is how I would explain to my friends. Cut it short & simple.

My rating : 2.5/5

To start, I can honestly say I was never a James Bond movie fan but, not to say I am now, but Skyfall was GOOD. Especially in terms of story line. Usually what I thought of any James Bond movie was this :

1. Dude's on a mission.
2. Dude finds a hot girl somehow involved in the mission.
3. Sexy time with hot girl.
4. Dude completes mission.
5. Hot girl may or not be seen anymore.

But Skyfall was, awesome. I don't even know how to put the awesomeness in place. So let me start...I forget things easily fyi. 

1. Mission's at Istanbul. 
2. Bond's buddy was shot. M told him to gtfo, leave the buddy cause aid's gonna come in like 5 minutes & chase the dude who stole a hard-drive containing list of agents. 
3. Car chase. Freaking crashed Istanbul. (seriously I cannot imagine this you know, you get like random agents fucking with your city town, blasting gunshots & rampaging the whole area like dude...I can't imagine if it happened to my area. )
4. Fight on top of a moving train. Muscle power!!
5. This lady agent (what's her name again? her last name was Moneypenny though. kaching!!!) tries to aim in order to take a shot. 
6. M says "take the god damn shot!!" so Moneypenny shots. Bond got hit.
7. Adele's Skyfall plays. 
8. M/Bond's office in London blew up. M gets a weird death threat from some person.
9. Bond's alive & well. Insert drinking & sexy time. 
10. Receiving news about what happened in London, he flew back. M's like "dafuq have you been?" 
11. Bond meets Questmaster, Q. a cutie patootie if you ask me. He gave Bond gadgets & airtickets to Shanghai to get intel about the dude who stole the hard drive & to avenge his buddy. I think his name was Ronson?
12. Dude-who-stole-hard-drive fell from 63rd floor of a building after a fight with Bond. Bond retrieves a gambling coin. To the casinos! oh yeah, spots hot chick. 
13. Exchanged coin for 4million USD gaddamn. Sees hot chick. Offers help in exchange of intel. She gave her location but tells him her buddies are gonna kill him. Lady leaves.
14. A fight broke off in the casino. Bond, duh, gets the upperhand. One dude gets eaten by not one, but several komodo dragons. EEEPPP!! 
15. Bond meets lady in a boat.....in the shower...I assume it's another sexy time. Go James! 
16. Boat reaches weird, abandoned place.
17. Bond meets an old agent. Everyone was appalled by him...he was touching Bond (Bond was strapped on a chair!) & people at the cinema were like bfnjsdfmbsdjhfmsbf.
18. Old agent hates M. He was pissed at her ways & his commitment to the job made him....well, sorta like destroyed him. 
19. Old agent brings Bond outside. Lady was tied. A shot of vodka was placed on her head. Old agent challenges Bond for a shooting game. Bond misses. Old agent fires and, didn't hit the glass but the girl flinched and the glass drops. Old agent said he won. 
20. Bond kicks everyones asses. 
21. Bond's people came by helicopters and takes the mean old agent away~
22. Interrogation time back in London. 
23. Hearing for M. Whether or not her department was still relevant or not.
24. Old agent managed to get away. 
25. Old agent wants to kill M. 
26. Goose chase. Bond<->Old agent. 
27. Old agent reaches the court hearing & starts shooting spree.
28. M survived. Bond takes her to a safe place : Skyfall. 
29. Bond, M & old man set up booby traps everywhere in Bond's old house. 
30. Old agent comes & intense gun fight + grenade throwing takes place.
31. Fire, boom! 
32. Old man brings M to an abandoned chapel for safety. 
33. M injured & dying. 
34. Old agent caught up. Wants to die together with M using a single gunshot. 
35. Bond threw a knife and hits old agent's spine. Old agent dies. 
36. M dies. Bond cries. 
37. Back to London & Bond's back to work. 

& that's it. Excuse me & my one liners but that's how I would explain movies to my friends. hehe. 

My rating : 4.8/5

this...movie..I don't even know how to start talking about this movie. I just....want to say one thing :

it scared me shatless.

My rating : 4.8/5

I tell myself this : 

you are living just fine without me. I should be able to do the same too.

it wasn't you who got away.

it was me.

:)

through the eyes of a lazy co-pilot

I wish I can be as lazy as a panda, eat bamboo everyday & not worrying about getting fat. 

Cause : "I'm a panda & you will still love me." 

So, today was the day I return back to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah because I have work to do & that semester reopens on Monday. sobs. This time, I did not take the flight from Brunei to KK, instead we used a car to drive from there to here. This means one thing! ROAD TRIP! So I will illustrate the journey from Brunei to Sabah (& vice versa, just read this from bottom to the top then!) with pictures I took. 

Pictures aren't HQ or any that fancy (phone cameras can just do that much) but I took pictures of the places that would be important for those who, maybe, want to go to Brunei or Sarawak (example Miri & further beyond) for a fun road trip. As the title said, I was a LAZY co-pilot. This was because my dad was next to me & he'd give me the eye if I start taking pictures like "dafuq are you doing" or something like that. Pictures taken with iPhone3GS using camera application Camera+

we started our journey from home around 10.30ish? yeah. 

That's the Ministry of Finance's building.

flyover...look at them clouds.

oh the public buses here in Brunei are purple in color!

First stop : Kuala Lurah immigration point (no picture) and Tedungan immigration point (as above)

then it started to rain. Where are we heading to to?

Limbang, Sarawak.

drive some more & you'll be going on a ferry ride to cross over to Temburong, a district of Brunei. 

So yes this is how it is : Brunei - Limbang - Temburong (Brunei)

This is the Bangar (I think) immigration point.

My mind wandered off cause I forgot to take a picture of the town but hey look at the skies.

We set on Labu immigration point. This time to go back to Sarawak, a district called Lawas.

Slow.

Be aware.

This is the immigration point upon entering Lawas.

We're near!!

The last immigration point..phew! This is called Merapok/Sindumin immigration point. 

We got hungry so we stopped by Sipitang for some roti canai.

Daddy had nasi briani.

Welcome to Beaufort.

Very greeny.

& then it started to rain.

& then.....

I fell asleep. *smiling with teeth showing*

We reached my aunt's place at 6.30PM and stayed for awhile cause of the rain. That night, it suddenly began to rain really, really hard! Followed by series of cracks of thunder..it was scary. The weather have been bad lately so please everyone be safe!

reached my dorm at 9.30PM. 

What do you need when traveling to/from Brunei on car :

1. passport
2. full tank car (this is true for Bruneians especially, you know what I mean~)
3. Customs forms (this is available at the customs point itself)
4. Custom form for your car (also available at the customs point itself) 
5. food 

& that's just it I think.

have a good day! :)

hello November.

as a gust of wind blows my face, precipitation starts to fall on me, leaving me damped, leaving me standing alone....waiting for sunlight.

It's November; soon it will be December & soon it will be the end of this year. It's a new month, a new breathe of air, a new chance perhaps, a new month, a new day....everything seems new when it comes to the beginning of a month. 

time passes so quickly. 

We always complain about how time passes so fast that we don't believe our time's limited day by day. Work piling up, chores left unattended, people you want to meet but can't..due to? "No time." We're so attached with so many things and we have 24 hours to do so. Within that span, we sleep, we eat, we do work, we have fun & at the end of the day, 99% of the time we will say "ah, I forgot to do something today." Time, my friend, is one fast runner. That is the ultimate flaw of time, it's fast. One would argue, time's fast when you're busy but goes real slow when you have nothing to do. I agree to disagree to that statement. 

The term 'nothing to do' does not technically exist in this era of technology (I'll be general with this) & I would classify 'nothing to do' as a 'First World Problem', which is a rather...'serious' problem. How can one have 'nothing to do' when you have the Internet and the ability to walk out of your house and walk around? 

moving on. 

As much as we blame limited time, one good thing about time is the statement 'time will heal'. Which is true and I very much agree to this. At a certain point in life, you think back an event that had happened in your life and with time, you will not think much about the heartfelt pain that you endured in that period of time. Within a certain period of time, the weight that's been pressuring your shoulders will eventually be reduced, the scar on your heart will heal, the physical scars will also heal, your eyes will not shed tears that much and you can finally talk about things with a smile or sense of relief. 

"It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace." — Chuck Palahniuk

We have to seek peace to seek happiness. 

Hello November, please be nice, not just to me, but to everyone, anyone reading this. :)