oh hey December.

not everything is too late, hence, start living the life you want.

Do the things you've always wanted to do. Do the things you dream to do.

Aim a little higher, expect lower.

Tell that someone something you've always wanted to say.

cause bear in mind, will you see another tomorrow? 

Hi! It's been forever since I last posted. Been a busy bee with assignments, projects, events, fatigue, procrastination...basically work. I promised a post on my sister's wedding but all I can think of what to say was : congratulations sis.

The event went smoothly and lovely. What did I do? As the bridesmaid...was to fan her. & being a little brat running around. *flips hair* it pays to be youthful. I hope my sister eternal happiness. I gained a new family & I look forward a happy future with seeing my new family members in many occasions. :)

Look forward for a photo spam that I have been...forgetting. Forgetting things until I can't even remember whatever things I wanted to say. But that's the awesome thing about pictures, they make us recall things. :)

Bon Odori UMS is an annual event held at the Chancellor's Hall's open area to commemorate the Key East Policy. What do we do at Bon Odori? We dance to the songs, had Japanese stalls, cosplays and a lot of events! This year I participated again but this time with my FunZ Crew lovelies.

Jingle bells, jingle bells jingle all the waaaay~ Santa decided to go goth today say what.

The Management/Design team of two certain malls in KK decided to dress Santa in black. Which to me, is a total BS. But then again, what do I know. & by the way, I am looking forward for this year's Christmas. It's my first Christmas with my FunZ friends as we are planning for a party! Oh yea, I don't celebrate Christmas as in, celebrating how I would celebrate Eid but I don't see any wrong spending time with my friends in their joyous days. I know my own borderline. :)

Speaking of Christmas, have you guys watched Rise Of The Guardians?

I personally thought it was AWESOME with an awesome lineup of voice actors. Jack Frost is dreamy. Santa is so badass here. Sandman is adorable. The Easter Bunny is also adorable especially the time he was 'shrunk' to this small ball of adorableness. Tooth is...hyperactive about teeth. But all in all I give it a 9/10. :) 

I decided to focus more on the movie despite the fact that my ex was in the same cinema hall which ruined the mood for me for the first 10 minutes? But I'm glad the person I watched the movie with me calmed me down. Told me not to think too much. Thank you. :) *smiles from ear to ear* 

Moving on!

One of the modules I took this semester is called....APK...thing is, it's an entrepreneurship module. I forgot the name to it, we've been calling it APK & I don't even know the full name to it. *sulks at a corner* What's important, is that we are to sell and go for business ventures at our university! Me and my group, came up with a line-up of accessories bearing the brand name Rockify. From the name itself, the accessories are made up of rocks! Since we're Geologists right~ ;) 

I never thought of going for any business ventures ever since my pirated CDs business back in the day...whoops. heheh. That's a funny story actually. Back when not everyone had Internet access, our household depended on dialed up Internet and when people can't find the songs they wanted..I stepped up and..made a pirated business venture. bahaha. Would charged people $1 per song & burned them in a CD. Those were the days....

Anyways! Our Rockify business earned us some good money and I am hoping for an A for this module! Fingers crossed!! 

It was nice meeting some old friends. I met Aan and Zeke, buddies from UiTM whilst I was at 1Borneo with Mag, Jia Yao followed later. But anyways, I missed these guys! Had many memorable times with these guys as we debated & trained together. Guys, catch up soon! I look forward for debating again next semester. Not this semester sadly, caught up with many things. :( 

& that's all I can think of. We are thrown by many obstacles everyday. People piss us off everyday. People come to our lives and imprint something everyday. Some stay, some left. They all mean something to us. Live everyday with no regrets, something I tell to myself everyday. As quoted by my Biology teacher back when I was in Form 4. Find and do something that makes you happy. If you find that something together with a group of friends, is much much better. 

I know I found mine. (Apple, HuanHuan & Ah Lai are missing here.)

& that's all from me. Good day! *will be changing this blog name to : Start Living.

a dose of life.

will I ever be good enough?
will I ever, live up to expectations?
will I find someone who will take me as I am?

I tried & yet I fall.
fall down 7 times, stand up 8.

but I keep on falling.
and failing.
further & further.
distancing from people.
or have others been keeping me at a distant?

I need to get up and face things.
I need to be brave to battle my own fears.
my own insecurities.
battling with myself.

I will never be good enough.
that's what I believe.
as a motivation to do much better.
100%? more than that.

pushing limits.
pushing boundaries.
pushing mental & physical limits.

I am tired.
Tired of life itself.
Ain't it sad, we are all young & yet we feel life has no meaning to us?

We are very, young.

That's why.
We have to stand up straight, stand up tall.

I am a failure.
I believe I am a failure.
with this belief, I shouldn't be down.
It should be a motivation.

Things get in my way.
People lose faith in me.
All I have is myself.

I will try. I will not give up.
No matter how painful & lonesome it is.
I need to survive.

I don't want to exist ; I want to live.

ps://  I haven't been posting bahaha. forgive me. I'll be back & there will be a spamming galore soon enough. :) good day loves. x

pre-wedding bells.

a picture says a thousand words.

what about a compilation of four?

my feelings are bottled up.

are you recording this?

No I am not getting married. Although I was asked that numerous times today. I just got dumped and now I'm getting married? say what? haha but hey, at least I'm getting over it right? 

My sister's the one's getting married...oh my goodness, tomorrow! she's going to be a married woman tomorrow. wow. Just, wow. Time flies doesn't it. Felt like yesterday she and I would play pretend back at our old house. Ahh, memories. I shall update & take pictures tomorrow too. For now, since I have neglected my blog for awhile, wouldn't hurt to write a bit no? 

I have been busy with exams. (Don't let me even get started with me skipping some midterms due to this wedding. Not gonna think about it at all!)

sushi once awhile is nice too. The temptation to splurge is just too great though! In total mine was around RM27+? That was at Sushi King, 1Borneo. Nearest (& by far the cheapest) sushi parlor that's near to the vicinity of UMS. Excapade and Kaizen Sushi will always be in my heart though. :) But I am content. Looking at that picture makes me hungry again. :(

My friend pointed out this bag of mine that I brought from Brunei and said "you know, the guys you dated and had crushes had one thing in similar : glasses. Do you have a thing for guys in glasses? A glasses fetish maybe?" okay first thing first, what the hell is a glasses fetish?! But what she said did hit me though. They all wore glasses. Hell even Siwon whom I adore since back in 2005 wear glasses (or, seen with a pair.)

even in this unedited/photoshopped/not-editorial photo he looks as dashing as ever. 

How can one be this perfect?!

Coffee is good for you! I didn't go for the complimentary drinks from Starbucks in conjunction with Deepavali. :( but hey, I got two free drinks the other day cause me & them FunZ answered this online survey, you know the customer service survey kinda thing and I got two free drinks! Shared with them FunZ too. They're awesome. & that was on Apple's birthday too! :D I saw him that day too. My feelings were mixed. But decided not to think about him. At all. :) 

One of the classes offered by FunZ crew in UMS is the Bboy class which is conducted every Monday 7-9PM. Fee is RM12 per session and they are classes that you do not want to miss! Don't fret, we have beginners and advanced classes. See you in the beginners class then! :P Shot was during the advanced class. Class thought by Safwan. Further details you can check out the FunZ Crew's facebook page (I linked them the previous blog post before! Scroll down~)

Before leaving to Brunei, me and my friends had lunch at the Kopitiam Museum at Kingfisher. What caught my eye was the shisha flavors rack...oh shisha? Do you shisha? Honestly, I don't approve of smoking but I need it sometimes. Not cause of stress. Whoah whoah, getting personal here. But hey, I like this shot!

Leaving KK put me in a bad place. I didn't want to go initially. I had to leave so many work & exams behind. I fear I will fall back even more. But then again, family is family. Imagine none of my family want to come for MY wedding (if it happens lol) but I hope something good will come out from this. I hope to catch up asap! & I miss my friends. :(

we fight all the time but you're the best younger brother I have man. :)

& hey, I am home.

raped my cousin's iPhone 5. muahaha.

things will be fine. I know of it.

will you hold my hand out of this mess?

:)

moving on.

was moving on ever easy? 

people say it is. but really,

how can one just forget? 

how can one just wake up & know that the person you think first in the morning..

probably has forgotten you? 

maybe I think too much.

maybe I loved too much.

expectations. lead to hope.

when hope is crushed.

the pain is even more....

intense. 

the kind of pain you can't even describe it well.

you're just in pain. 

nothing is wrong with you.

your heart is fine. physically.

but really,

it's not. 

I dare say, I still miss you.

the old you. 

but I'm trying to move on.

I am proud to say, there is progress. 

baby steps. 

I'll find someone, who will remind me, 

you're not the one who got away. 

:)

under your imaginary spotlight.

This spot, is where I belt out my emotions. 

No one may hear it. No one may see it. No one may feel it.

But the feeling, the impact it gave me. 

Being myself without the fear of being judged.

This is my spot. This is my spotlight.

This is my time to shine.

Hi guys. Second day of school & already feeling tired. My eyes are similar to a panda's dark circles. Cute? I wish. hah. Going on, there are a lot of things to do and I have so so so limited time to do so. I have to go back to Brunei next week for urgent family matters and I need to see my lecturers tomorrow...I have a feeling I will be very, very tired & will be PMS-ing the whole day tomorrow. Oh dear. 

However, I am blogging this post not to rant about how my day will be, rather, I want to share this community I joined recently in my university. 

I introduce to you; FunZ Crew - The UMS Hip Hop Community

First off, I will not say I am a legit dancer but I do enjoy dancing. I have been dancing by myself for years, copying what I see from movies and videos over at Youtube and give me music, I'll try to bust off some moves...at least I tried. I've always wanted to take classes, learn dancing, meet new people..but as much opposed by my parents, this wish of mine have been hindered. So what did I do? I took karate classes for a good 8 years. Moving on! 

So I found FunZ from the Facebook home page and I was like "HOW COME I NEVER HEARD OF THIS BEFORE? I am in my 2nd year already!!" so without hesitation I clicked it and hovered over upcoming classes and events. Boy was I psyched! 

The first class I took was the bboy class conducted by this awesome bboy dude named Safwan. He has an awesome resume on competitions he took and rankings. The class itself was fun and at the same time, painful for my body...for now. I can't do a freeze! But looking at all of us who were taking the class at that time, I liked the feeling, of learning something that you always wanted to do. 

I just joined the community and also the bboy class was my first official class. I have a feeling I will stay for quite sometime! I look forward in learning more. At the same time, hello weightloss *fingers crossed*, stress reliever and not going to think of 'you-know-who'~ no, not Voldemort. 

For more information, do drop by the FunZ Crew's Facebook page. They conduct classes for students of UMS & also to the general public! So KK peeps, what are you waiting for?!

That's all from me today. Busy day tomorrow! Good day/night!

Will it matter if I disappear?

Will I be missed?

Rather than thinking about this,

it's better for me...

to exist for myself.

a labyrinth.

"we have to learn how to fall then we'll be strong enough to pick up the pieces." 

After going through some rough patches these past few weeks, I broke down & cried in the dorm. My roommates waited for me to be done & later asked what happened. Unexpectedly I began giving a lecture on how life's not all a fun & smiles. I am never a good speaker in these areas nor have I lived old enough to taste every bittersweet events of life but..."it's the past that teaches us to be prepared for the future."

...is what they normally say & believed but I personally think it's still difficult. 

Life is a series of mazes, you go through ups & downs, twist and turns, dead-ends, probably encounter a Minotaur & such. Eventually you will get out from the maze and do remind yourself not to turn back, but keeping moving forward ; to venture the next maze.

Phases in life. 

Memories stay in our minds for a while, probably a long while, it comes and goes and for some, they will never fade. We forget but when a person or an event became a large part of your life, it will be hard to just forget about it. It's nice to visit memory lane once in a while, but don't stay there long enough. Don't be discouraged, people who you thought you can't live without, can live just fine without you. What does that tell you?

Suck it up. 

Pardon me but it's pointless to stay for something that it's not worth staying. Moving on takes baby steps. It's time to stand up, brush your bruises, or tend them with antiseptics or something, and start taking the first step again....into the next maze.

Life is funny. Being alive, having feelings, the ability to see, to hear, to feel, to touch, to taste, giving love, receiving love, losing love...to me is all amazing. Life is amazing. & yet I said life is funny. Funny in the sense that, everyone's luck differs & we all seem to complain about it. Guilty.

But no one had it easy.

Don't ever sit and stare at a dead end. Find a way out. Don't stay too long in memory lane. Time waits for no man.

People come and go. Things come and go. At the end of the day, all you have is yourself and who else knows you best other than yourself? It's time to let go...and keep moving forward.

& that's what I remind myself every day. 

I have been a reckless wreck these past few weeks but, it's time to move on.

但是,请记得我。

light at the end of the tunnel.

we are so young & yet many of us are sad. 

they say these people are attention seekers. they say these people think too much. they put aside us because we're 'young and reckless'. people are so fast to judge. 

Being sad and depressed is never a laughing matter. Although I agree, there are a number who see 'looking sad/depressed' would garner some attention they seek in order for acceptance or assurance. Some are diagnosed as depressed. Some are sad for reasons they cannot comprehend. Either way, they should not be swept aside no matter how minute you think their reasons are. We are all humans, we are brothers and sisters inhabiting the Earth, we walk the same soil, we breathe the same air...we should all hold hands and help each other in times of sadness and even in happiness. 

But what do we see everyday? Picking on others, bullying others like it's alright. There are many posts on blogs, videos on youtube that touch on this issue. Sad isn't it? Sad that this is happening to our generation. 

Why are people sad?

That's the golden question. People are sad for many reasons. Family, personal struggles, peers, school, environment...the emptiness that one feel. Like there is a gap in their hearts that they cannot understand why is it there. Some people don't know why they're sad. 

"I just am."

I've seen people mock these people, calling them crazy & 'out of their minds'. It's because people like these that makes things even worse, sadly.

If you happen to see this post, you may not know me, I might not know you...but hey, things are going to be okay. Yes, I know, it's an overused term and you think it's full of lies. But, like this blog post say, there's light at the end of the tunnel. I won't touch on religious statements because I respect everyone's beliefs but you know, anything that's bottled up in you...it's better for you to speak it up. It's hard, I know. But making yourself hurt even further won't solve your problems. Harming yourself isn't either. I know, I've been there. 

it'll all be alright. 

& for your information : I'm a tweet or an email away.